Whales In Space

Matthew Whitton, one of the two original men who first discovered the deceased ‘Bigfoot’, was up first at the podium in front of dozens of cameras and reporters waiting to hear about this supposed ‘lucky find.’ Matthew and his friend Rick Dyer were hiking through the woods of northern Georgia when suddenly they came across a large mass lying next to a stream. Recalling the event, Whitton describes himself as being in complete ‘shock.’ According to the two men, they were ‘within 50 feet’ of two ‘live’ creatures, which made no noises whatsoever, almost as if trying to be discreet. The dead body of Bigfoot had his ‘guts hanging out,’ possibly due to a wound of some sort. As for the smell, Whitton put it in the only way he could, claiming that it smelled ‘like something dead.’ Take that as you will.

As Whitton said, they were not ‘looking for Bigfoot’ but rather stumbled upon him, a situation which they were curiously prepared for. Armed with cameras, they quickly took photos of one other creature, a biped which they claim to be part of the Bigfoot ‘family,’ and proceeded to haul the lifeless body of the other animal into their truck before arriving home and placing it into a large cooler. When asked if they always carry cameras into the woods, Whitton replied ‘Yes. There are other things to see than the terrain.’ Interesting, since they repeatedly claimed throughout the entire press conference that they were not previously Bigfoot hunters, but rather just two very lucky men. Also of considerable note is the fact that they did not immediately contact authorities. Whitton claims that he did not see it ‘necessary’ and that his first goal is to ‘protect the creatures.’ Instead, they contacted Tom Biscardi, founder and CEO of Searching for Bigfoot Inc., and had him and his team come out and evaluate the situation. They kept him in a refrigerator until Biscardi and his team arrived.

As the conference continued, Biscardi began to take over answering questions, mainly averting giving any real answers. When asked why it wasn’t until now that anyone has found the real ‘Bigfoot,’ given that humans have been on this planet for quite some time, Biscardi merely retorted with another question: How come we haven’t found the wreckage and bodies of plane crashes? Good point, I guess.

The conference went on and reporters began to get increasingly suspicious. Direct questions like ‘Is this a hoax?’ and ‘Are you just pulling a publicity stunt’ were shouted left and right. In an attempt to salvage what little credibility they had left, Whitton simply exclaimed, ‘We’ve done it,’ as he reflected on his incredible fortune of finally finding the legendary creature. But what he claimed in words, he failed to substantiate with hard evidence. At the end of the conference, thanks to my friend Michael Dimmock and his tactful use of a student ID card as a ‘press badge,’ we received a copy of an email from Curt Nelson, a scientist at the University of Minnesota, to Biscardi explaining the results of the DNA tests. The first test was deemed inconclusive due to a ‘technical’ failure. The second test came back as ‘Possum.’ Biscardi explained that sample was taken from the intestines of the creature and perhaps the results were that of something he ingested.

We also received four photos. One of the three men ‘near the scene of discovery.’ Another of the three men next to the alleged cooler within which lies the body of Bigfoot. The last two were of the actual creatures themselves. One was a close-up of the tongue and teeth of the beast, which was blurry at best. Since the body was supposedly found in June, couldn’t they have taken a decent photo of it by now? Apparently more ‘clear’ photos will be released ‘soon.’ Until then, this is the only real one we have. The second photo is of the ‘live’ creature (one of two) standing upright in a dense patch of woods. There is nothing spectacular about this photo, it looks like every other hoax Bigfoot image we’ve seen in the past: a dark wooded area with a ‘human-like’ outline in the middle which could very well just be a tree stump or some vague shrubbery.

So where is Bigfoot now? In an ‘undisclosed location in the possession of Tom Biscardi.’ It’s been on ice for ‘about’ two months now, although the exact date of discovery wasn’t revealed, mainly because the men claim to ‘not remember.’. Only about 8-10 people have actually witnessed the body firsthand, said Whitton, but apparently it is ‘a body like you’ve never seen.’ Well, until they release a decent photo I guess that’s true enough.

The only thing to do is take their claims with a grain of salt. Until they capture a ‘live’ one, which Whitton claims ‘is going to happen,’ all we’ve got is two lousy photos and a questionable ‘DNA test.’ For all you Bigfoot hunters out there, what I suggest is this: keep hunting.

Written by Eneida Revueltas – eneida.revueltas@gmail.com

[editor's note: We've tried to cover this story as much as possible for last several days.
From the Press Release and first photo to live coverage and documented DNA evidence, but an on the scene report was something really wanted to complete the coverage. Thank you Eneida]

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